Public Speaking: Between Confidence and Self-Doubt

Public speaking sits in a strange space between confidence and vulnerability. Whether you’re standing on a stage, leading a meeting, or speaking through a screen, you’re doing more than delivering words—you’re exposing your thinking in real time. That’s where self-doubt begins.

For many of us, the loudest voice in the room isn’t the audience—it’s our own.

Being your own worst critic can feel like a form of preparation. You replay sentences before you’ve even said them. You anticipate objections, judge your tone, and question your authority. In moderation, that inner critique sharpens your message. But unchecked, it can increase self-doubt before you even begin. The irony is that the same instinct meant to protect you from getting it wrong can stop you from saying anything at all.

And yet, there’s another extreme, charging ahead with absolute confidence, even when the message isn’t fully formed. We’ve all seen it: someone speaking with certainty but little substance. Confidence alone isn’t credibility. It’s not enough to fill space with words and call it communication. Audiences are remarkably observant—they can sense when someone is speaking to connect rather than simply to be heard.

“Speaking to connect” means the speaker is focused on the audience—sharing ideas, inviting understanding, and creating a mutual exchange. Their goal is communication, not just delivery. They pay attention to whether people are following and whether the message is landing, and they’re open to making adjustments.

“Speaking to be heard,” on the other hand, is more self-focused. The speaker’s priority is getting their words out, finishing their point, proving they’re right, or simply occupying the space. The audience becomes passive listeners rather than participants.

As a speaker, you set the tone. A speaker who pauses, reacts, and shows curiosity about how the audience feels shows engagement. A speaker who ploughs through their script regardless of reactions can feel distant, even if their content is technically good.

The balance, then, is uncomfortable but necessary: speak with enough confidence to be clear, but enough humility to remain open.

"Because getting it wrong is part of the process."

Public speaking isn’t about delivering a flawless monologue; it’s about engaging in a shared moment of understanding. Sometimes that means saying something imperfectly. Sometimes it means realising mid-sentence that your point isn’t landing the way you intended. That’s not failure—that’s feedback. The real skill is adjusting, not pretending.

Which brings us to something deeper: perspective.

How arrogant would someone have to be to move through life assuming their viewpoint is the only one that matters? Every audience is made up of individuals carrying their own experiences, emotions, and interpretations. Your message doesn’t land in a vacuum—it lands with individuals. And what they hear may not be what you intended to say.

That’s not a problem to eliminate. It’s the entire point.

Good public speaking isn’t about imposing your perspective. It’s about offering it—clearly, honestly—while leaving space for others to meet you with theirs. Their reactions, their interpretations, even their disagreements are not yours to control. They belong to them.

This becomes even more challenging in virtual settings.

When you’re speaking through a screen, so much of that feedback disappears. The subtle cues—the nods, the shifts in posture, the shared energy—are muted or missing entirely. You can’t “feel” the room in the same way, which makes it harder to gauge whether your message is resonating. Silence becomes ambiguous. Are they engaged? Distracted? Confused?

Virtual speaking demands a different kind of awareness. You have to rely less on instinct and more on intention. You need to create moments for interaction, ask direct questions, and accept that the feedback loop will always feel thinner than it does in person.

And perhaps most importantly, you need to be a little kinder to yourself.

Because when you can’t read the room, your inner critic tends to fill in the gaps—and it rarely does so in a positive way.

In the end, public speaking isn’t about eliminating doubt or projecting perfection. It’s about navigating somewhere in the middle. It’s about showing up with something to say, saying it as clearly as you can, and remaining open to the fact that it may land differently than you expect.

And that’s not a weakness. It’s communication.

Something I always like to end with, you can prepare for hours before speaking, but that doesn’t remove self-doubt or pressure.

“Pressure reveals your ability to prepare; discipline helps you sustain the pressure”